Monthly Archives: January 2011

Wouldn’t it be awesome if there really were exorcisms?

Theology For Dummies.

I mean, seriously.  No more of this guesswork, this having to have faith, this dogma. You could see Satan.  He’d be right there, spiritually assaulting some innocent.

How hard would it be to choose sides then?  Not very.  On the one hand you’ve got Lucifer and eternal damnation.  On the other, God and eternal paradise.  Simple.  Get thee behind me, Satan.  Every little boy grows up wanting to be an exorcist and the Vatican grows even fatter on a worldwide chain of crucifix and rosary shoppes.

Oh well.  Things would be a lot simpler if Legos were made out of chocolate, too, but we all know that ain’t going to happen.

Damn. I suck at theology.

 

Wouldn't it be awesome if there really were exorcisms?

Theology For Dummies.

I mean, seriously.  No more of this guesswork, this having to have faith, this dogma. You could see Satan.  He’d be right there, spiritually assaulting some innocent.

How hard would it be to choose sides then?  Not very.  On the one hand you’ve got Lucifer and eternal damnation.  On the other, God and eternal paradise.  Simple.  Get thee behind me, Satan.  Every little boy grows up wanting to be an exorcist and the Vatican grows even fatter on a worldwide chain of crucifix and rosary shoppes.

Oh well.  Things would be a lot simpler if Legos were made out of chocolate, too, but we all know that ain’t going to happen.

Damn. I suck at theology.

 

The Nebraska Panhandle – really a part of Wyoming

I’ve always maintained that the Nebraska Panhandle, where I’m from, is not in the Midwest.  Omaha, where I went to college – total Midwestern city.  You could change whole parts of it out with Cincinnati and no one would even notice.  Scottsbluff, my hometown – more like Cheyenne.

By geography, climate, and culture, the Panhandle has practically nothing in common with the Midwest.  A hundred times more Wyoming than Ohio.

Now I’ve got the map to prove it:

See? See?

The only real link – other than all those bothersome laws and institutions – that western Nebraska has to the rest of the state is our beloved Husker football team.  I’d take them even if we seceded.  Which probably wouldn’t be a bad idea.  I doubt they’d miss the Panhandle back in Omaha, and I’m sure we wouldn’t miss them.

In the 1890s the residents of the Panhandle threatened to join Wyoming if the water laws didn’t get changed.  They were foiled then, but the idea was vetted again in the 80s.  It went nowhere again.  Damn easterners.

Nonetheless, out here the term “Wyobraska” has persisted.  Katie Bradshaw has a pretty good run-down on how that term is more common in the Scottsbluff phonebook than, well, Scottsbluff.

I should clarify that I now live in the eastern Wyoming part of Wyobraska, enjoying the various advantages of Wyoming life (no income tax, a state capital that is not 450 miles away, no associations with the Midwest … no income tax).  I’d just like my brethren across the border to share in the wealth, too.

I should add, too, that the above map, while starting in the right direction, includes way too much of the east.  This is the Panhandle.  Everything else is just Back East:

Look how neatly the Panhandle would fit onto Wyoming. They wouldn't even notice we were gone!

Pay with a post for a new short story collection

As experiments with publishing goes, this is an interesting one: you can download Australian writer Conor O’Brien’s new collection, Quiet City, for the price of a tweet and / or Facebook post.  Just go here and follow the clickys.  Alternatively, you can get the paper book for $12.

I’d never heard of Connor O’Brien until about 7 minutes ago.  Now I’ve got his book and am subscribed to his blog.  I guess that’s the point.

 

Anne Frank was neutered

All the world knows Anne Frank was murdered by Nazis, but apparently we didn’t need to know about her clitoris:

When the unabridged edition of the diaries were released in 1995, the 50th anniversary of her death, they included the previously deleted passages that contained some of Anne’s negative remarks about her housemates and parents as well as a lengthy entry from March 24, 1944 in which she describes her vulva, clitoris, and vagina from the perspective of her own fifteen year old gaze. …

In November 2009, the unabridged version was pulled from the library shelves and classroom bookcases at Culpepper Middle School in Culpepper, Virginia after a parent complained that the diary contained explicit sexual content inappropriate for an eighth grade readership. “While these pages could be the basis of a relevant discussion,” remarked school superintendent Bobbi Johnson, “they do not reflect the purpose of studying the book at the middle-school level and could foster a discussion in a classroom that many would find inappropriate.”

Asexual murder victim.

Yes, by all means, let’s ignore female anatomy with eighth graders.  While we’re at it, why don’t we just tell them the Nazis sent Anne Frank to a really really fun summer camp where she got to frolic at Lake Sunnyside for, you know, ever?

Here is the offending passage.  Avert your eyes, philistine moralists of all stripes:

“…Until I was eleven or twelve, I didn’t realize there was a second set of labia on the inside, since you couldn’t see them. What’s even funnier is that I thought urine came out of the clitoris…When you’re standing up, all you see from the front is hair. Between your legs there are two soft, cushiony things, also covered with hair, which press together when you’re standing, so you can’t see what’s inside. They separate when you sit down and they’re very red and quite fleshy on the inside. In the upper part, between the outer labia, there’s a fold of skin that, on second thought, looks like a kind of blister. That’s the clitoris…”

H/t Html Giant.

Huck Finn to be neutered

Some company is going to publish Huck Finn without the word “nigger.” Seriously.

This man does not approve. Also, he likes this kittycat.

Surely the reasons why this is a spectacularly bad idea need not be enumerated.

Fortunately, this is evidently blowing up on the internet and I’d bet the company in question will back down.  Here’s hoping.

But if not, take some cold comfort in the fact that no teacher who selects this neutered edition is going to teach much about Huck Finn anyway.